what i'm reading

it's true that i like to understand things.  and by "things" i mean "why".  why we do the things we do.  why we think the things we think.  why we deny or ignore things that are important to us.   every time i read this book, it reminds me what it is like to be a child.  and it reminds me how to talk to them and how to treat them, so that they're "why's" will be positive.  and it is my job to govern this tiny country and teach them what they are feeling.  so, i have to know what i am feeling.  "many people have been educated out of knowing what their feelings are.  when they felt hate, they were told it was only dislike.  when they were afraid, they were told there was nothing to be afraid of.  when they felt pain, they were advised to be brave and smile.  many of us have been taught to pretend to be happy when we're not...it is more important for a child to

 know what he feels than why he feels it."
  ahhh.  reading that is like a breath of fresh air.  "of course!" i think, as i read this book.  of course.  i'm going to keep reading this even when my children are grown.  because it's not just between parent and child.  it's between friends, and siblings and spouses and neighbors.   it's between all of us.  mmhmmm.

bath time

baby e's first bath at home was oh so sweet!  he was so quiet and calm.  and he makes the sweetest shapes with his mouth.  and his precious little eyes.  soaking everything in. (he did pee all over the place, though.  like a tiny little arching fountain.  boys.  we're going to have to install a urinal.)

pictures for nana

eliot parker's 1st days...thanks to my phone

i woke up at 2:30 on sunday morning (2 days past my due date) because i had to pee...again.  and i was having contractions.  but i'd had braxton hicks my entire pregnancy.  no kidding.  so i tried to go back to sleep.  but couldn't because those suckers hurt!  so i watched t.v. and cleaned a couple of toilets and walked around the quiet house.  i woke john paul up around 5:30 and told him we would be going to the hospital.  he showered, our friends came over to stay with the sleepers until my mom/neices could get here.  i was thinking i would have him naturally, but after the jacuzzi and the excercise ball and the midwife breaking my water, i wasn't progressing.  at all.  they did an ultrasound, found out the baby was posterior (face up) and was stuck.  he was stuck good.  and it was killing.  "this does not feel like my other labors."  so i asked for an epidural.  i think i yelled at the nurse anesthetist.  and maybe the midwife.  don't ask me questions during contractions, people.  c'mon.  my mom was there.  it was crazy how she helped me to calm down so quickly.  i pushed for an hour (in some pretty funky positions) but still nothing.  so they called in another doctor and they quickly decided they would have to vacuum the little guy out (and if this had been my 1st baby, or 2nd, or 3rd, it would have been a c-section, they tell me.)  i don't know if the drugs weren't working or what, but the vacuum deal freaking hurt!  and right when his little head popped out, (and only his head, mind you) the doc's face dropped, and he asked the nurse for something (i didn't hear what) now! and he had to cut the umbilical right then!  it was wrapped around his scrawny neck twice!  (p.s. when he cut, blood squirted all over the doc's neck and scrubs.  it was like a horror movie.  awesome.)  so they scooped the baby up and sent him over to the nurses and he wasn't crying or moving and i asked the midwife if i could hold him, but the nurses called in more nurses and one said "no" because they are "bagging him" and he's "retracting".  i was nervous, but they were all really calm while they whisked him away to the nicu.  where he stayed for 3 days because of "respiratory distress".  poor tiny baby.  we couldn't touch him the first day because he was "coasting".  that made me want to cry.  but we were finally released late tuesday (or was it wednesday?) and had a doctor's appointment on friday, where they discovered he was severly jaundiced (20).  so we were readmitted to the hospital for 2 or 3 days.  then he had to have his blood drawn every dumb day to make sure it kept going down.  it didn't.  it's low enough now that he's not considered in any danger, but they basically said, "we don't know what's wrong."  he is sweet and tiny and perfect.  and we are all in love.  i mean, look at that face.  and way to scare your mommy to death, kid.  not cool, eliot.  not cool.

eliot parker sloop

january 15, 2012

8 lbs 3 oz

20 in