dear fellow church go-ers,
i must apologize. i am sorry. i'm sorry that you thought you were safe and sound, sitting quietly in your seats, prepared to listen to the speaker and feel the spirit, only to find that we had snuck in beside you/behind you/in front of you at the last minute. i am sorry that while you and/or your spouse and/or your children were reverent and listening/coloring/sleeping we were not. we were giggling/arguing and/or biting. i regret that my baby girl has recently taught herself how to belch (quite loudly, i'm afraid) and that she always decides to reveal that hidden talent when the sacrament is being passed/a baby is being blessed/a prayer is being uttered. i apologize for my boy's fetish for office supplies, which often means our pew is littered with tiny paper/pens/ pencils/paper clips. not to mention the pretzels/goldfish and/or cheerios. i'm sorry that i often appear unkempt and immodest with my little ones crawling all over me. my skirt pushed up to my waist before i realize it and /or a baby's tiny hand pulling down my top to reveal more than ever necessary. i apologize that i, on occasion, forget where i am, and perpetuate the irreverence with tickling and loud kisses in efforts to get the baby to laugh. i'm sorry that my husband often appears uninterested and/or bored. (i have no explanation for that.) i am sincerely sorry about that one time my sneaky little children kept the tiny little cups intended for the sacrament water to play "tea party", but i was so happy they were being quiet, i procrastinated putting a stop to it. i apologize, dear saints, that i warned the young mother in front of me (whom i've never seen nor met) that i might steal her adorable baby boy so that max could have a twin. i shouldn't have suggested such a thing. i would never...probably. i am sorry that i am often found whispering in ears/writing secret messages on backs and/or stifling my loud laughter. i simply can't help it. the monkeys are far too sweet/funny/precious for me to contain myself. we will try to do better next sunday. i promise.