we got married. 2 crazy kids who hardly knew each other. 9 years ago plus one day, i was freaking out. and had suggested "postponing" (calling off) the wedding about 3 times. poor john paul. but i had a difficult time seeing myself as someones wife. and it was all too real and way too fast for me. and i was scared. to death. but the next morning i woke up early and felt completely at peace. i quietly got ready in my sister's bathroom and felt like i was somehow gliding. i wasn't giddy. i wasn't hyper. i was just completely content. and ready. to start a new life. with him. and if i could send a secret message to my panicked and nervous self from 9 years ago i would tell her, "you're right to be scared. but it will all be okay. you will be happy. you do not have to lose yourself. you will find your own way, your own style of doing things. and it will all come much easier than you have ever imagined. you will laugh every day. every single day. but your fear is real because sometimes he will be selfish and want to complain, but he'll get over it. and it can get confusing or boring or exhausting. but those moments are rare. because usually it is hilarious and kissy and fun. and you will be amazed how fast the time goes and how happy you are to wake up next to him. and you will hug him in the kitchen and think how crazy it is that you still love him this much. even more. crazy. it's okay. it will be incredible." i wonder if my secret message would scare my single self even more. the reality of it all. but i'm so happy i did this. with him. because we are living happily ever after.
Friday, January 2, 2009
9 years ago today...
we got married. 2 crazy kids who hardly knew each other. 9 years ago plus one day, i was freaking out. and had suggested "postponing" (calling off) the wedding about 3 times. poor john paul. but i had a difficult time seeing myself as someones wife. and it was all too real and way too fast for me. and i was scared. to death. but the next morning i woke up early and felt completely at peace. i quietly got ready in my sister's bathroom and felt like i was somehow gliding. i wasn't giddy. i wasn't hyper. i was just completely content. and ready. to start a new life. with him. and if i could send a secret message to my panicked and nervous self from 9 years ago i would tell her, "you're right to be scared. but it will all be okay. you will be happy. you do not have to lose yourself. you will find your own way, your own style of doing things. and it will all come much easier than you have ever imagined. you will laugh every day. every single day. but your fear is real because sometimes he will be selfish and want to complain, but he'll get over it. and it can get confusing or boring or exhausting. but those moments are rare. because usually it is hilarious and kissy and fun. and you will be amazed how fast the time goes and how happy you are to wake up next to him. and you will hug him in the kitchen and think how crazy it is that you still love him this much. even more. crazy. it's okay. it will be incredible." i wonder if my secret message would scare my single self even more. the reality of it all. but i'm so happy i did this. with him. because we are living happily ever after.
