Tuesday, October 14, 2008

the boy

you don't remember this, i mean, how could you really? but you were born on a tuesday, two minutes before 2 o'clock in the afternoon, barely more than six years ago. we dropped an itty bitty zoe lane off at aunt niki's house well before the sun woke up. and i cried a little on the way to the hospital because i heard her calling for me through the closed door when we left. but other than that, i was incredibly calm. you being my second, i felt like i had an idea what to expect. and we were ready for you, the boy, to come in to our little family. and we already knew your name (although i kept trying to change it-like i always do- to jack. wouldn't that be so sweet? jack sloop? jackson. but daddy said "no" because there was that cute little dog named jackson.) it would be jakob spelled with a "k" because before daddy and i got married we went to see a movie with our friend nate. and there was a preview for a movie with robin williams called "jakob the liar" and daddy and i leaned over to each other at the same time and whispered to each other, at the same time, "i like how that's spelled." and so it was. everything was so peaceful in our hospital room. completely exciting, but still so peaceful. and then you came in at your less than whopping 7 lbs. 14 oz. and you were so quiet that i thought something was wrong. "why isn't he crying? jape! find out why he isn't crying." but daddy kept kissing my forehead and saying, "he's fine. he's fine. his cry is just so soft." and you were fine. so we took you home and you melted right in to our lives. like you had always been there. you were so familiar. and everyone felt like they had always known you. the boy. and you grew. always so snugly. always wanting my arms to hold you. always. and you grew. so sweet. and still wanting always to be held. or the lap would do. but nowhere else. and we discovered you were a "morning person". like your daddy and nana before you. and we learned that your hot little blood liked to be cold. never too many blankets. and you loved the roar of the air conditioner as you slept. and you were happy. but sometimes you were so sad and cried and cried and we didn't know what to do. so i just held you. always. and you kept growing. still sweet. still snugly. and you loved all things. not just "boy" things. baby dolls and trains. cars and dress up. and you would sing in your car seat. requesting ben folds or dashboard confessionals. but all of a sudden you don't fit on my lap so well. and i realize...you are big. you act big. and think big. you talk big, with your "eventually"s and your "perhaps". and you have revealed such a good little person. one who discriminates against none. one who expects everyone to obey the rules (even the ones that exist solely in your mind.) one who is good at being in charge, but not overbearing. one who is sensitive. "mom." "what?" "i love you." one who loves all things tiny and miniature. who absolutely adores his family. the world would be better off with more men like you. even in the extra small version. and for a long time, you were the boy. but we weren't too worried about you having to share your gender with a new baby. because you were so thrilled that he would be coming. any baby. and you want more babies. always. because you innately nurture and comfort and console. i'm sure it must be hard, sometimes, to have a big sister that seems to have learned everything first. and to have a little sister that you have to share things with, even though sometimes she breaks them or loses them, or doesn't know how to play right. and now you have a tiny little brother that takes up a lot of attention and time. but you, my little man, have taken it all in stride. you are a champion. you let it all come (even though sometimes you want to complain or just grump. it's ok.) and you are stronger for it. i am proud of you. so proud to have a boy who is kind. happy. sincere. i love you. happy birthday, jakob.